Wednesday, April 30, 2008

PostHeaderIcon Today was a rough one.

Well today started out good, just like any other day. Went to work, left early to take my grams to her well needed Dr apt.
We got to the Dr, he talked to her about what she is going threw, and how she is feeling. He told her that she needs to take her medicine and she needs to drink lots of fluid. He told her that if she doesnt do this she will not be able to maintain her independence and live alone. I think that shook her.
He told us that he believes she is having mini strokes again ( we went threw this about a year and a half ago) on the sides of her brain, tiny little strokes/stroke. He told her how lucky she was that she is having these kind of strokes and not the kind that effect the portion of her brain that can cause paralysis and such. The effects of these kind of strokes only last for about 6 weeks and really cause no permanent damage, but the 6 weeks of being out of it and unable to do her normal routine of NOTHING really get to her! And to me.
He also asked about a sore she has had on her face for quite some time. I would say its been there on and off for about 6 months. I thought it was just because she picks at it. But her Dr looked at it and felt it and said he thinks that it could be skin cancer so he sent us over to the Dermatologist. We went there, they numbed her face to a biopsy and cauterized it. Froze some spots on her hand and sent us on our way.

Well as went went to the dermatologist in another building at about the pace of a snail, i saw this woman out of the corner of my eye, she was walking so close behind us and it was frustrating me because i don't have patients for people who do not have respect and patients for the elderly. I was about to turn around and tell this woman a few choice words when i heard her say my name. As I turned around, Its was Brynn's mom who was obviously just trying to see if it was me walking with my grandma. But she was also visibly shaken.
i said hello, and she just started to bawl, i hugged her as that is clearly what she needed. Threw her tears she told me that there was something wrong with her heart and she was really scared.
As i had 2 hours to kill until my grandmas next apt i offered to sit with her threw her EKG,, But she said she would be OK and would call me after and let me know if she was OK.
About an hour later i got a text from her, it said "I'M 26 and i have CONGENITAL HEART FAILURE."

WOW, that was pretty much all i could think. All that was running threw my mind was how horrible it would be if she died. How devastating that would be to Brynn. How horrible a thing for a child to go threw.
Now Most of you know our back story, and Ill be honest there have been times when I wished she would. (there have been many a bad day between us in the last 3.5 years) but in all honesty that is never what i REALLY wanted. And I must say that in the last 3 months she has made a drastic change, that has effected all of us in a very positive way. We all get along very well, Brynn sees this, and it has made a HUGE difference in Brynn's behavior as well. Things are going very well right now, and yes I'm very Leary about this as its happened before and never stays constant and ends in huge blow out and court battle. I feel really that she has been reaching out to me, and trying to bridge the gap if not for anything for Brynn, and that is the best reason. I will never let my guard down when it comes to her as i know her to well, But I have been and will continue to be very willing to have a good relationship with her because its what is best for Brynn, and healthy for both of us to not have such hatred for each other.

We wont really know anything till she gets more testing and they see how much damage her heart has taken, but i will keep my fingers crossed for her. And Brynn and her newborn too.

all i can say wow is what a day.


Valerie said...

Wow Monica, that is a crazy day.... I thought congenital heart disease was something people were born with. But I just looked it up and although people are actually born with it, some adults just don't get diagnosed until later in life. Anyway, my best to your Grandma. And it is nice you are good to Bonnie, and I am very glad you two get along for Brynn's sake, but you have a lot on your plate right now and you just take care of you (and Grandma of course).

Mary said...

baby speck first missy!

it is horrible about Bonnie, and we will find out more and help with Brynn as much as possible. Is it congenital or congestive?

Did she get admitted?

anyway, do not harbor all this on your shoulders.. you are moving too! Baby Speck is going to come out with huge shoulders because he will think he has to bear all this too!

Rub the belly..

Monica said...

she said its congenital, i havent looked it up yet, but from what i can remember its not good. But on a good note a friend of mine was diaganosed with it 3 years ago when she gave birth (and almost died) and is doing just great now! (allthough the drs dont want her having any more babies)

Speck and I come first, we always will. And I have been very good lately about resting and taking time for me and not over-doing it. Im working really hard on not letting things stress me out, and it think that my hormones are helping me do that cause Im not easily upset lately and i dont cry, Im really trying to keep calm.
And if i dont keep it all bottled up inside me ill do better!
thank goodness for my blog!

Monica said...

oh, and no the have not admitted her as of yet, they gave her some medicine, and EKG, and they are scheduling lots more testing!

Vicki said...


Vicki said...

Did you get moved???