What ever will be...

Well today started out good, just like any other day. Went to work, left early to take my grams to her well needed Dr apt.
We got to the Dr, he talked to her about what she is going threw, and how she is feeling. He told her that she needs to take her medicine and she needs to drink lots of fluid. He told her that if she doesnt do this she will not be able to maintain her independence and live alone. I think that shook her.
He told us that he believes she is having mini strokes again ( we went threw this about a year and a half ago) on the sides of her brain, tiny little strokes/stroke. He told her how lucky she was that she is having these kind of strokes and not the kind that effect the portion of her brain that can cause paralysis and such. The effects of these kind of strokes only last for about 6 weeks and really cause no permanent damage, but the 6 weeks of being out of it and unable to do her normal routine of NOTHING really get to her! And to me.
He also asked about a sore she has had on her face for quite some time. I would say its been there on and off for about 6 months. I thought it was just because she picks at it. But her Dr looked at it and felt it and said he thinks that it could be skin cancer so he sent us over to the Dermatologist. We went there, they numbed her face to a biopsy and cauterized it. Froze some spots on her hand and sent us on our way.

Well as went went to the dermatologist in another building at about the pace of a snail, i saw this woman out of the corner of my eye, she was walking so close behind us and it was frustrating me because i don't have patients for people who do not have respect and patients for the elderly. I was about to turn around and tell this woman a few choice words when i heard her say my name. As I turned around, Its was Brynn's mom who was obviously just trying to see if it was me walking with my grandma. But she was also visibly shaken.
i said hello, and she just started to bawl, i hugged her as that is clearly what she needed. Threw her tears she told me that there was something wrong with her heart and she was really scared.
As i had 2 hours to kill until my grandmas next apt i offered to sit with her threw her EKG,, But she said she would be OK and would call me after and let me know if she was OK.
About an hour later i got a text from her, it said "I'M 26 and i have CONGENITAL HEART FAILURE."

WOW, that was pretty much all i could think. All that was running threw my mind was how horrible it would be if she died. How devastating that would be to Brynn. How horrible a thing for a child to go threw.
Now Most of you know our back story, and Ill be honest there have been times when I wished she would. (there have been many a bad day between us in the last 3.5 years) but in all honesty that is never what i REALLY wanted. And I must say that in the last 3 months she has made a drastic change, that has effected all of us in a very positive way. We all get along very well, Brynn sees this, and it has made a HUGE difference in Brynn's behavior as well. Things are going very well right now, and yes I'm very Leary about this as its happened before and never stays constant and ends in huge blow out and court battle. I feel really that she has been reaching out to me, and trying to bridge the gap if not for anything for Brynn, and that is the best reason. I will never let my guard down when it comes to her as i know her to well, But I have been and will continue to be very willing to have a good relationship with her because its what is best for Brynn, and healthy for both of us to not have such hatred for each other.

We wont really know anything till she gets more testing and they see how much damage her heart has taken, but i will keep my fingers crossed for her. And Brynn and her newborn too.

all i can say wow is what a day.

http://www.babysites.com/sites/speck/
Check it out! I am in the process of adding to it! All the little mile stones, Dr. Appts and Journal of how im feeling and what is going on!

I hope that its something you all enjoy, I will send you all the Invite to it in your regular mail, as well as have a link to it on my blog!


In the last two weeks I have made tremendous improvements in how im feeling, The pain from the cyst is nearly gone and my energy level is starting to rise. no good news for steven my hormnones havent gone in his favor yet and im really still wanting zero affection. But i love him to death so thats all that matters! (oh and i am nice to him!)

I have had a rather rough weekend and past few days with my grandma, she seems to be slipping rather fast these days. I know ts mainly due to dehydration as her motto seems to be "if i dont drink i wont need to pee" which is not doing anything good for her brain! its making her loopy, she cant even figure out how to answer the phone lately- and that makes me worry that shes fallen or dead when i call! So I am taking her to the dr tomorrow, and hopefully the dr can talk some sense into her, and convince her its time for some in home care, at least once a day. So hopefully tomorrow is productive and she listens to the dr before i ring her neck! (lovingly of course!)

WOW today I am 12 weeks pregnant! Time is going by pretty fast, and speck is going to be here before i know it!

I cant wait to get our new house all settled so that we can start getting all set up for the baby!
I dont feel pregnant these last few days, and its kind of wierd to think there is a little tiny baby in there, but soon enough ill feel it moving all around, and look pregnant. Im excited for that!

Well Im always looking for a new way to make money. And I love being on my computer, and I love blogging. I have often thought how cool it would be to turn my blog into a way to make money. WOW, that would be cool!
Well I think i may have found a way. Its called payperpost
I checked out the website and made sure it was legit. Basically what I do is sign up for things that intrest ME, and blog about them! there are a few requirements, but real simple! This is my first blog, and Im set to make $20. That seems pretty cool for just a few minutes of my time! and hey thats $20 more than i had 5 minutes ago!
No worries, My blog isnt going to turn into a giant advertisement (unless the money is really good lol) hehe!
But who knows this may be something your interested in, or know someone who is, or hey i even may blog about the coolest new thing that you end up loving! You never know where something can take you untill you at least try! Hey it could lead to something really neat, like.... becoming a critic, or evaluator, who knows the possibilities seem endless.
I say if you can make money, its a least worth a shot! And hey with a baby on the way, im all about makin money! All the money I make is going right into our "baby account". Which will be for all things baby related in the 4 months im off work when speck arrives like clothes, food, bills, diapers and what not!

Well steven got into a car accident on tuesday evening on his way home from his rained-out softball game. Fortunately his is ok, unfortunately i cannot say the same for my car! lol!
He was headed home on a road with several blind cerves, when he saw a woman broken down so he slowed down, put on his hazards and pulled up to her to ask if he could help her. Just then the car coming the opposite way slowed down...the car behind him wasnt paying attention to the road and as it was poaring rain couldnt stop in time swerved to miss rear-ending that car coming head on into stevens lane, and well steven!
Steven went to the hospital by ambulance and luckily on suffered some minor muscle sprains and should be good as new in a few days!
The car has some significant damage, and ill post the pics later! But its at the dealership being repaired and were awaiting the police report from the cocky rude police officer that said he got a witness statement and that is was my husbands fault......only to find out that he never spoke with her and from what she told the insurance company it is not my husbands fault, he was in his lane and hit head on....but im sure well get it all straitened out soon enough she is calling the police officer so that he can actually get her statement and amend his report! :)

well we got a lot accomplished this weekend and did quite a bit of relaxing too!
Sat I visited my grandmas as i do every weekend and make sure she is all taken care of, food in the house, bills paid, house cleaned, laundry done...you know all that stuff!
Then I Dropped of miss b, to her mom. Came home and started packing! Man what a chore. I started throwing a TON of stuff away, well not really away, but in the good will pile for sure. Its amazing how much junk you accumulate in a short amount of time. And I am a packrat. I really need to work on that.
Sunday we purged lots of furniture and now our house looks empty! Then We napped, watched a movie, napped..... I feel rested today.

Im sure i have many more things i could perge...i just need the strnegth to let it go.

On the 4th of may! Wooo hooo!
Its actually about the same size as our house now, just built different so it seems smaller. the living room area is smaller but cozy and has a fireplace, and the bedrooms are bigger which will be good for when the kids share a room. The best news is that it has an "office" type space upstairs by the master bedroom that we are going to use as specks room for at least...well probably at least till im done breast feeding and speck sleeps threw the night! I think it will work out really nice and i wont have to be walking up and down the stairs in the middle of the night and brynn wont be kept up either!
Its has a nice size yard that is fenced so brynn can totally play in the yard and be safe! Plenty of room for a nice table to relax on the deck, and room for the GRILL! lol!
We will be saving money every month on rent! and also on gas! and the landloards seem super nice, and they really take care of the condo very well.
were very excited and cant wait!

So we got a great lead on a house for rent in Windsor! thanks to my wonderful mother in law who happens to work with the owners!!
We talked with her last night, she told us about the place, sounds nice and from what i have managed to find on the internet about the other condos in that complex they look nice and roomy!
Its less expensive then the house were in now but 300 sq ft larger, still only a 2 bedroom, but being bigger it will be fine. Kids really only sleep in there rooms anyway. Ill be sad to move but it will really be benificial once the baby comes and im driving (hopefully to sarahs) every morning. If we still lived in petaluma i would be driving almost 100 miles a day. NO THANK YOU! at least in windsor i would have to go threw santa rosa every day anyway and brynns school, and daycare for the baby would be right on my way! Plus windsor is really a nice little place! Oh and its only a few blocks from marys windsor office! So that would make visits more convienent!
keep your fingers crossed its nice and we like it! Sounds like we could move in pretty soon.....so we may be recruiting help for that!

I got to hear Specks Heartbeat for the first time! It was very exciting, She said it sounded perfect, 160 bpm. And she doesn't believe that I'm having round ligament pain, she found a rather large cyst on my right ovary and suspects this is where the pain is coming from. She said it is supposed to be there, that its reason for being is to release some hormone that I need right now, but that mine is just several times larger than it should be but not abnormal and nothing to be alarmed about. And that it should be going away soon. That is quite a relief that there is an end in sight to the pain! And that everything else looks perfect and healthy!

It was my first routine apt with my OB. . She is highly recommended by my aunt who works in Labor and Delivery at Kaiser. I'm not quite sure if i like her, she seems nice but we have a rather large difference in opinion about weight gain. Obviously I'm not a small girl i never have been i may never be and that is OK with me I'm happy with who i am. I have done tons and tons of reading on weight gain recommended for those who are over weight. And when I Met with the NP for my ultrasound she told me the same guidelines. Well yesterday my Dr told me that i should not gain any weight during my pregnancy. Well obviously no one wants to gain a ton of weight, But I eat a pretty balanced diet, and i try really hard to not eat crap and have been doing well, and the way I look at it, if i keep doing that and i keep active and i gain weight then well i must need the weight. Im not going to sit around and eat bon bons and jack in the box all day. I do not want to be shamed if i gain weight, I'm not going to starve myself and my child of nutrients. But I'm also not going to be a gluttonous pig. im going to keep a balance. And I have gained Nothing since my last appt, and Only 3 lbs in the 10.5 weeks ive been pregnant. I feel my body changing, my stomach is starting to stick out more than usual and my normal pants are not comfy!

This is what i found on the kaiser website,
**The recommended weight gain for a woman of normal weight is 25lb(11.3kg) to 35lb(15.9kg). A gain of 30lb(13.6kg) usually consists of the following:
The baby weighs 7.5lb(3.4kg).
The placenta weighs 1.5lb(0.7kg).
The amniotic fluid weighs 2lb(0.9kg).
The uterus weighs 2lb(0.9kg).
Breast tissue weighs 2lb(0.9kg).
Excess blood and fluids weigh 8lb(3.6kg).
Fat weighs 7lb(3.2kg).
If you are overweight, your ideal goal is less than the average weight gain, 15lb(6.8kg) to 25lb(11.3kg). If you are underweight, it is best to gain 28lb(12.7kg) to 40lb(18.1kg).

If i were to not gain any weight, and all of the above things were in normal range, i would essentially be loosing weigh during my pregnancy. That is not something I'm willing to do. It seems counter active. I'm not willing to risk my child's health just cause she doesn't want me to gain a few pounds. So ill have to work harder to loose it after. Big deal, having a beautiful HEALTHY child will be worth gaining some weight and working hard to loose it after the birth and before getting pregnant again.
When i asked her if there were any serious health issues or reasons why i shouldn't gain ANY weight or if it would cause complications, she said no, I'm in perfect health, i have a healthy heart, i have perfect blood pressure, I'm just over weight.
Well I'm not a superficial person, and i don't believe that i want a Dr that is either. If there is NO health reason for me or my baby why tell me to try to gain Nothing?. and further more my weight was not even brought up to me by my primary care Dr when I had my checkup before we started trying to get pregnant.
My feelings are not hurt, im not offended, but i feel if there is not a medical reason then its just superficial and im not willing to be on a diet. Im pregnant, i know with pregnancy comes weight. I know with weight comes a lot of work to loose it. Obviously I knew this before i got pregnant.
i may seek a new OB, I'm thinking it threw. well see how my next apt goes!

My nipple, the right one to be specific in so much pain right now. Appearently it got cold for the minute it was exposed to the air as i put on my pajamas. And its hard as a rock and so painfull that im almost in tears. I cannot move, it hurts sooo friggin bad. it wont go down no matter what i do. it feels like its frozen and about to fall off.

this nipple is a bitch.

thought i would share, but leave out a pic. that may be going to far! lol!!

Im going to put the heating pad on my nips and go to sleep. Tomorrow night were going to the giants game, maybe ill buy thos heating inserts that you use for your shoes or gloves and put them in my bra so i dont poke out anyones eye.

have you been to panda lately? well if you havent you need to go there, and you need to try the Beijing Beef! I went over the weekend, it was so yummy!

ITS AWESOME, its even better than orange chicken! its super!
I needed to share.....Go there....go there now, run...dont walk!

I stole this from a website i frequent, thought you all might find it interesting!

Your baby now is about the size of a medium green olive. The crow-to-rump length is 22 to 30 mm and the baby weighs 0.12 ounces. Although your body shape will not yet reveal that you are pregnant, your doctor would be able to notice an enlarged uterus. The hCG hormone is at its peak and you might notice more changes. Your skin may become smoother and a bit plumper, but you might also get an outbreak of pimples. Your hair may become less oily, or more. You might also notice some vaginal discharge, which is usually not a cause for concern. Although the baby is still very small, it is beginning to look more like a human being. Your baby's back is straightening out and the tail is shrinking. In proportion to the rest of his body, the head is large and remains curved forwards onto the chest. The head is erect and the neck is developing well. Even though your baby's eyes are well developed, they are covered by a membrane lid. The eyes will not begin to open and close for quite some time still. Your baby will begin to make tiny movements as the muscles start to develop. You will not be able to feel any of these early movements, but you might be able to see them during an ultrasound. The arms and hands are progressing faster than the legs and feet at this point. By this time of your baby's development, the hands have defined finger ridges and the tissue between them will die off to leave separate fingers. It is impossible to distinguish a male from a female at this time because external genitalia look very similar at this point. Your blood system will change during pregnancy and blood volume will increase by 50%. The increase in blood is important to meet the demands of your growing uterus. Blood volumes will begin to increase during the first trimester and will continue to rise throughout the entire pregnancy. The increase in plasma can cause anemia, which will cause you to feel tired or weak. the fingers are clearly visible.

In case you havnt seen this on the news yet, 3 dumbasses scaled the Golden Gate Bridge this morning, to put up a free tibet sign, in protest to the olympics, and chinas human rights record, and the impending arrival of the olympic torch to SF.

OK I am a strong believer of the 1st Amendment. and im not saying the free tibet cause isnt a good one, But Protesters in general piss me off, They annoy me, whether i agree with the reason they are protesting or not. I don't know why, maybe i just feel that standing on a street corner isn't really being productive getting people to honk at you isn't doing jack. or maybe its because where we live most protesters are hippies, and annoy me already. You are not really doing anything to help your cause. If you want to protest something you believe in then you should create an organization with others who feel your cause, have a meeting or event to raise awareness and funds to donate to the cause you so strongly believe in. Take your cause and the proof supporting your cause to the capitol, to the lawmakers, to the assemblymen, have your voice heard by those who can make a change. But use normal means of advertising this, flyer's, ads, radio....don't stand on the corner and DISTRACT TRAFFIC, OR CLIMB A BRIDGE AND PUT PEOPLES SAFETY IN JEOPARDY. Don't shove your belief in my face at the grocery store, or at an event that I obviously support or I wouldn't be going there. I would rather read about your cause in a NEWSPAPER, or some publication or positive media coverage. Not be bombarded.
Making an ass out of your self does only that, and people will only remember that you made an ass out of your self, not the reason why.

Don't be an ASS to get your point across. In all honesty, even if this had been people supporting the troops, Which i believe strongly in, i would be just as irritated by this for several reasons.
You have NO right to climb on a Bridge and put the safety of countless individuals at risk. Cause traffic congestion, and distract Drivers on an already narrow and dangerous bridge. I'm also pissed, not only at the dumb asses who climbed up there, but the Golden Gate Bridge Authority, whom we pay a great deal of money to every time we cross the bridge, Where is the security on the bridge? They did this is broad daylight. they could have easily had a bomb and destroyed the entire bridge and countless lives in the process.
So what the hell are those CHP officers really doing parked by the bridge if they cant even keep protesters from scaling the friggen bridge how are they to thwart any real terrorist attack?

Ok this took a while but was well worth it! hope you find time to read it! and perhaps do it your self!

Funny and scary how accurate this is. Is yours accurate?

What Monica Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

OK not really, but that is what it feels like sometimes. I called Kaiser last night thinking I may have to go in, But no basically the nurse told me to get used to it, and get ready for it to hurt worse. GREAT.
Apparently I have Round Ligament pain. This is the ligament that supports your uterus and pelvic floor area. Most women don't experience this pain till about 13 weeks or, i guess I'm just a lucky one! woo hoo! She actually said to me " well think how it feels now, and imagine how much worse it will feel in 6 months" WTF? that is not what i wanted to hear.
Basically standing and walking for longs period of time and SITTING for long periods of time both contribute to this pain! humm that is great, at work i sit, and when I'm not at work I'm usually on my feet.
Basically i have a pressure in my pelvic area that is extremely uncomfortable and by the evening time it is painful. This makes for a rather lazy Monica come 6pm. By the time i get home, I'm ready to lay in my bed and be left alone as laying down is the only thing that helps alleviate the pressure. My poor husband. I feel really bad for him, I HATE the thought of cleaning, Laundry, Cooking, grocery shopping, and sex is the last thing my body wants in the world. I'm really hoping for his sake at least that those second trimester hormones kick in! :)
So for now my Dr says to take it easy when I'm in pain and when I'm not to stay active and continue to walk as much as possible. Other than that my pregnancy has been great so far, I'm tired but I'm not sick, i have my appetite back which is good, and I'm super excited o start showing so that i feel pregnant instead of just fatter!
so that is my pregnancy update as of now!