What ever will be...

that when ever you click on my blog baby speck moves around and it always looks like he has a wiener? i know its supposed to be the umbillical cord....but really is it just a sign that its a boy?

hummm....... 17 more days till we find out! ahhhh im so excited!

were back from camping....relaxed and tired all at the same time, ill blog about it later, we have lots to put away and maybe get some house stuff done today! whoo hoo!

Until my anatomy ultrasound, where if speck is feeling cooperative we will get to see his junk, or lack there of.....but I'm hoping for junk! lol!!
I definitely am just happy to be having a baby, and want it to be healthy with all its parts in the right locations! But for some reason a really want a little boy, I just see myself as a boy mama. and we already have a little girl. Who lately if i didn't know better would think she was hitting puberty with how emotional she is! lol! I'm sure its just a growth spurt, as that is how she gets just before she starts eating me out of house and home and not fitting into anything, she recently grew out of all her shoes, so I'm guessing some height is next! thank goodness for shorts and flip flop weather!

also mark Sept 14Th on your calendars! my cousin has told me that is the day she is planning for the baby shower! And from what i know so far it will be held at my aunts house in Rhonert park.

I had my regular Dr. apt on Wednesday! went great, heard specks heartbeat. I'm pretty sure speck is going to give me run for my money and be a stubborn child, every time she would find the heartbeat....speck would move to the other side, then she would find it....and he would move again. this went on about 6 times in a row, then i think he got tired and let us listen for a few seconds! JEEZE i can only imagine what were in for!
Dr told me all the same things Mary and Vicki have been telling me, RELAX, don't put so much on my plate, dont stress...you know all that stuff. She recommended i see a counselor, so I'm going to do that. She says i have too much going on and need a release point! she is right!

Steven has really been great the last few weeks, doing so much around the house, as really i haven't done a thing since we moved there...except laundry. One day will be unpacked.....one day!

Brynn has really been having a facination with bugs lately....and spiders too. She will pick up any bug she can get her hands on. She likes to get the mosquito eaters cause there big! She will hold on to it with her fingers and talk to it,


B: eww bug your gross
bug: (no chance)
B:bug why are you so ugly? eww look at this little bug....
B : oops! (as she smashes its head in her fingers)
Me : what happened?
B: it died
Me: how did it die? did you smash it?
B: NO, it DIED
me: smashing bugs is gross, go wash your hands
B: i didnt smash it, it died..... it was dead before it was born!
ME: ok, wash your hands.


Then the other day she was talking about bugs and says to me


"mommy, do you like bugs?"


Me: no i do not. I think they are gross
B: why?
Me: i dont know i just do, they give me the creeps!
B: do you like lady bugs?
Me: yeah there ok
B: do you like butterflys and catapillars?
Me: yeah i guess
B: why do you only like those bugs?
Me: um i dont know, maybe cause there pretty, so i dont think there gross.
B: so you just dont like the UGLY bugs?
Me:yeah i guess so
B: Well that is NOT nice to only like pretty ones.


yeah, she is too smart. damn kid put me in my place...

So we told brynn about Jonny being potty trained and how he doesnt need pull-ups anymore...she got pretty jealous and i think a little mad. But it totally worked! She decided that since she has her own bathroom in her room now that she is going to be a big girl. NO MORE PULL UPS.

So we started this her first night in our new place, That night there was a pee incident, but being a big girl she got up, changed her clothes, went potty, and put her clothes in the hamper and went back to bed! the next 3 nights were all incident free, Last night her 1st night back from her moms, Incident free! And she was so proud this morning! as were we! She wanted watermelon juice as her treat for the day!
She is super happy! super proud and wants to have a sleep over with jonny in a few weeks as her reward! so well have to plan that!

Clowns and Birds are two things I'm afraid of. Birds make me extremely uncomfortable and i think they are dirty and gross. They are fine if they are out in nature, but not as pets and definitely not anywhere near me.
Clowns are UN-natural, UN-necessary, disgusting, revolting, scary, and really give me anxiety.
But really even these two fears together do not equal my 1 true great fear. This fear i have had as long as i can remember. The fear of loosing my Grandmother. Not only is she my Grandmother, but truly my best friend and has been since i was little. The one person in my life that has always been a stable force for me. The person i could always count on. She always told me what i needed to hear, not what i WANTED to hear. Her brutal honesty has always kept me grounded.
She is my grandmother, but really i think of her more as a mother. She raised me, she taught me right from wrong, how to tie my shoes, write my name, how to mend a broken heart, (that's with ice cream by the way!)
As i get older obviously so does she and my fear grows larger every year.
What would I ever do with out her? How could I get threw the day without hearing her voice?
this last few weeks have really been hard. I am having to face the fact that people do not live forever. That one day and probably one day soon she will no longer be with me, but instead watching over me.
I know she will be in a better place, and I know its what she wants. I know that eventually every ones time comes. But even knowing all of that does not make this ANY easier on me at all.

**(im blogging this today as i will be at a training seminar for work all day tomorrow and dont have internet at home! :( **

So tomorrow is May 7th....6 months till my due date. AHHHH! just kidding! Its really going by fast, and really with the exception of the cyst pain in the beginning im totally loving being pregnant. It feels great, and I cant wait untill I can actually feel it moving in there, i try to feel for movements everynight as im falling asleep, but its still to early!
6 months give or take a few days and I will be a MAMA! WOW! that is some pretty cool stuff. I sit and wonder what our home will be like with the crys of the newborn. How Brynn will take to Speck. How little chomper will be so jealous! I cant wait for that newborn "smell" and tiny diapers.
Im so excited to see what our baby will look like. I think it will have my eye and hair color but have stevens eye shape, lips, and ears.
And im really excited because in just 37 days We get to find out what it is!!!!!

well were mostly moved except a few stray items and some clothes at the old place. I must say, if my husband wasnt such a great guy we would not have moved this weekend.
I got a terrible virus that has my throat swollen, throwing up ...well out both ends, no energy and just feeling ultra shitty in general no energy and really unable to concentrate or stand. I went to the Dr sunday morning cause i thought i may have strep and i have not been able to keep anything down. But they told me that i just need to rest and stay hydrated and there is nothing i can take since im pregnant.
Luckily i married a work horse. He got soooo much stuff done yesterday its amazing! Our kitchen is totally unpacked and ORGANIZED! the patio and back yard are clean, NO boxes at all out there which is amazing since when they unloaded the uhaul that is where they put EVERYTHING! brynns bathroom is done and her room is almost done we need to put her bed together tonight. Our room is....well my job so its not even close to being done!
OH and after he lugged about 50 boxes up the stairs all by him self he then went grocery shopping and made me and awesome dinner of Pasta with spaghetti sause and ground turkey with garlic cheese bread! ahhh it was soo good, and i kept it down! OH and then our new landloards brought us over a basket of 3 different kinds cookies that were still warm! how sweet are they!
Im worn out today from watching my hubbie do all that hard work! :) I have to go to the old house after work and grab some stuff and organize the "donation" pile. but that is all im doing, ill clean later when i have energy...we have till the 18th to be out of there so im taking full advantage of that!