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Monday, May 12, 2008

PostHeaderIcon My Biggest Fear....

Clowns and Birds are two things I'm afraid of. Birds make me extremely uncomfortable and i think they are dirty and gross. They are fine if they are out in nature, but not as pets and definitely not anywhere near me.
Clowns are UN-natural, UN-necessary, disgusting, revolting, scary, and really give me anxiety.
But really even these two fears together do not equal my 1 true great fear. This fear i have had as long as i can remember. The fear of loosing my Grandmother. Not only is she my Grandmother, but truly my best friend and has been since i was little. The one person in my life that has always been a stable force for me. The person i could always count on. She always told me what i needed to hear, not what i WANTED to hear. Her brutal honesty has always kept me grounded.
She is my grandmother, but really i think of her more as a mother. She raised me, she taught me right from wrong, how to tie my shoes, write my name, how to mend a broken heart, (that's with ice cream by the way!)
As i get older obviously so does she and my fear grows larger every year.
What would I ever do with out her? How could I get threw the day without hearing her voice?
this last few weeks have really been hard. I am having to face the fact that people do not live forever. That one day and probably one day soon she will no longer be with me, but instead watching over me.
I know she will be in a better place, and I know its what she wants. I know that eventually every ones time comes. But even knowing all of that does not make this ANY easier on me at all.

7 COMMENTS:

Valerie said...

I'm so sorry Monica. I don't even know what to say. I know she has been having health problems, I hope she starts doing a lot better. My thoughts are with you.

And yeah, birds and clowns are creepy.

Vicki said...

enjoy her while she is alive, don't bury her yet.
She will always be with you.
She is lucky to have such a loving granddaughter.

Hey, don't forget Mimes, they're creepy too, and street people.

Vicki said...

enjoy her while she is alive, don't bury her yet.
She will always be with you.
She is lucky to have such a loving granddaughter.

Hey, don't forget Mimes, they're creepy too, and street people.

Mary said...

When her time comes she has left you the best inheritance..

her teachings of how to be a good person. She is immortalized in you and how you conduct in her memory will keep her around. It is time for you to pass her love and memories to your baby... and just think what a good and loving person speck will be...

I love ya...

PS.. I always thought clowns were aweful.. but what about octopus?

They are just down right molded jello chunks...that smell like salt.

Charise said...

i feel the same way about my mom i can understand your fear mon! just remember when she dose pass that you have a whole bunch of sholders to lean on! i got your back sis! love ya!

.......dude clowns...i feel u! hahaha!

Sarah Michele said...

I don't know what to say. I have never lost someone I was close to. I have only been to one funeral,Baby Casey, and as much as I love him I never got to know him sadly.

I don't know how I will handle it when someone close to me passes. Ugh, I hate thinking about it.

Just know we are all here for you.

Monica said...

thank you all for your kind words.